


grief is just a glitch in my code

by Somethin_Strange



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Benrey-centric, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Character Study, Dimension Travel, FAIR WARNING: THIS GOES IN CRAZY DIRECTIONS, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), Heavy Angst, Multiverse, Multiverse Travel, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Canon, Tags Contain Spoilers, Temporary Character Death, cringe culture is dead, no beta we die like men, pre resonance cascade, the death is not like. an immediate thing, unreality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:27:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27129220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somethin_Strange/pseuds/Somethin_Strange
Summary: Benrey goes through a series of stories before his is done.He is not the hero in all of them. He is not the villain in all of them either.And most importantly, not all of them end happily.
Relationships: Benrey & The Science Team (Half-Life)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 45





	1. unreal and undone

Once upon a time, there was a being who realized his world wasn’t real.

Benrey reached into the void, letting the black-and-purple texture cover his hand. There was truly nothing out there, nothing but purple and black and void.

They retracted their hand.

It was dripping with missing texture, drops of black-and-purple racing down his arm. It was cold, so unbelievably cold that it slightly hurt. But as soon as it started hurting it had stopped; As the droplets raced down his forearm they melted into it.

Their hand was missing textured.

This wasn’t supposed to be possible.

But it was happening.

Curiosity burning in him, he put his other hand into the void. 

Then his forearm.

Then the entire arm.

They watched as his entire arm became a missing texture, how the strange liquid of the void wrapped around the sleeve until everything about it was just a silhouette. It was morbid fascination, really.

Morbid fascination and morbid curiosity.

He watched his arm be consumed by the void,

And took a step closer.

They was now standing on the very, very edge of his reality;

One foot in reality and one half-dangling off the side;

One half of his body real,

And the other half melting into the missing texture void.

He laughed to himself, feeling an almost dizzying sensation of confusion and disbelief and a mantra of _“What do I do?”_ repeating in their head.

They took a step forward-

-And missed their footing.

Panic SPIKED in their chest, making their eyes widen and take in a sharp breath.

And Benrey was sent tumbling,

Tumbling,

Tumbling forward into the endless void;

Panicked Sweet Voice escaping from his lips that was black-and-purple,

Black-and-purple;

Everything was black-and-purple.

The void was melting into his game model, bleaching over his clothes and his skin. He opened his mouth to scream and it poured into his mouth,

And it tasted both like everything and like nothing at all.

Sweet Voice burst forward from his mouth, a multitude of colors and colors and colors that clashed against the black-and-purple.

He was no-clipping upwards, flying flying flying-

No, he was plunging downwards, falling falling falling-

He was staring into the void, into the binary code, into the multiverse-

And he saw other people falling too.

  
  


A man in an HEV suit,

A scientist with a propellor cap,

A scientist with ever-extending bionic arms,

A scientist with flames in their hand,

A strange man in a suit,

A scientist with a potion bottle nestled in his hands,

A soldier holding a gun;

All people that seemed familiar, but in a reverse way. Like he had not met them yet, but he would. All familiar people, all people he would meet, all people whose names were somehow on the tip of his tongue;

All having the exact same revelation as him at the exact same time in different dimensions; A ripple effect across the multiverse;

All falling beside him in the void.

And the wind was whistling in his ears as he reached out his hand, grasping for something, anything to hold on to-

And Benrey closed their fist around ones and zeroes.

They closed their eyes,

And the black-and-purple,

The endless black-and-purple,

Seeped into his binary code.


	2. never your right to confine

Once upon a time, there was a being who realized he could edit code.

Benrey popped the top of a soda can, listening to the liquid fizz inside the aluminum. They sat against a vending machine in the break room, idly sipping as he watched scientists flit in and out of the room.

Tomorrow was the big day of the test, after all.

The Xen Project, led by Doctor Gordon Freeman.

He’d read that, and a bunch of other science stuff, from over Tommy’s shoulder as he worked. 

Xen Project. 

Dr. Harold Coomer. Prototype 8U-88y. Thomas Coolatta. Gordon Freeman.

Resonance Cascade.

On the paper, it had sounded so important, yet so insignificant. 

So important to Tommy; Important enough to try to hide the stress and the tiredness with two extra cans of soda each day. Important enough to be all Tommy ever talked about, with his “can’t play mario kart today, I have to work on the Xen project!”s and “sorry Benrey, i’m just a little busy!”s that drove Benrey mad.

Yet so unimportant to Benrey. His name was nowhere on that all-important paper. They were just to watch the main door and let people in and out until their shift was done; It wouldn’t affect them at all, really.

If it all goes right, that is.

Resonance Cascade. 

Two words, sixteen letters. 

Two words, sixteen letters that made up the worst case scenario. Something that could happen, but most likely wouldn’t.

Dr. Coomer had said something like that. 

A Resonance Cascade; something that could kill all of Black Mesa if the project went south. 

Which would suck, since he was supposed to get his copy of Heavenly Sword tomorrow.

“-rey? What do you think?”

Benrey snapped back to attention, blinking owlishly.

Some of the other scientists had been talking nearby, but Benrey hadn’t really been listening to their conversation.

One of them, named Darnold, Benrey believes, smiled.

“We were just talking about plants,” Darnold said, “for my potions.”

“Plants a-are real interesting!” Tommy chimed in. “Y-you can find a lot of cool plants right o-outside Black Mesa!”

Benrey shrugged.

“But you have to be careful. Not all plants are edible.”

“L-like marigolds or asphodel!”

“Are those edible?”

“Uh. I-I’m not sure, actually.”

Tommy and Darnold continued their conversation as they left, walking while talking.

Unaware.

Benrey had heard that plants on earth had special meanings. 

They’d heard that marigolds meant pain and sorrow. They’d heard that asphodel meant “my regrets follow you to the grave”.

How strange was it that these humans would toss their names around like that? How strange is it that they wouldn’t know.

That’s what Benrey liked most about humans. So smart yet so blissfully unaware. So silly, with their big dreams of contact with Xen. Humans with their big dreams, always looking over the simple joys.

Like soda.

And annoying people.

And editing the very code that makes you up.

Benrey opened up his own code, seeing line after line after line of programming gibberish.

They had very, VERY limited knowledge of programming, but he did know one command.

They waved their hand over their code, typing letters into his command center.

_ Bind v “noclip” _

Benrey immediately noclipped through the floor, a slight wind whooshing around him and the concrete rough on his skin.

Here, inside the concrete and in between floors, was like a personal sanctuary.

No resonance cascade or asphodel or marigolds could get in the way here. Nothing could get in the way of Benrey’s day.

Just him and the concrete and tomorrow, full of promises Benrey would make sure it would keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spoiler alert: tomorrow is not going to go well for Benrey.


	3. flowers, soft beneath my heels

Once upon a time, there was a being who discovered that they liked humans.

Like, a lot.

“Can I see your passport?” Benrey asked, staring up at the man in orange. Benrey assumed that this was Gordon Freeman, but better safe than sorry. 

“My passport?” The man in orange asked, looking down at his HEV suit. “Why do we need a- why do- what do you mean a passport? You mean like a company ID?”

The man’s stuttering was a little suspicious, sure, but Benrey was pretty confident that this was Gordon Freeman; Not some impostor or intruder.

Benrey turned on their heel and went over to one of his fellow guards; One that Benrey hadn’t really learned the name of.

Benrey leaned in and whispered into their fellow guard’s ear.

“He doesn’t have his passport.”

Benrey did not like Gordon Freeman very much, but at the same time, Benrey liked him a lot.

He was sort of annoying. Didn’t understand Benrey’s jokes, was always so annoyed all the time.

But at the same time, Gordon was funny to annoy. So exasperated and annoyed and angry.

It was almost a revenge, in a way.

A revenge for making Benrey’s friends all busy, a revenge for making Tommy so overworked, a revenge for stressing out Dr. Coomer.

It was Benrey’s silly little revenge for an offense that wasn’t Gordon’s fault to begin with.

Benrey danced around the truth, coming up with reasons to follow Gordon through the corridors of Black Mesa. 

A passport missing.

A fellow security guard whose fists are balled.

Other scientists brushing by, giving Gordon weird looks.

Benrey walks behind Gordon, stuck in his own thoughts about these strange humans of binary-code blood around him.

_Asphodel and marigold, asphodel and marigold._

He liked these humans.

These friends.

Benrey liked Gordon, who he had only met today. He liked Gordon’s exasperation and his laughs; Benrey liked the strange way Gordon walked and his fast-paced speech. He liked the way his smile lit up his face, he liked Gordon’s one-track mind for work. Quite honestly, he didn’t quite know much about this man, but that would surely change.

Benrey liked Tommy, who they’d known since he was a kid. They liked Tommy’s info dumps and his stims; Benrey liked his beyblades and his dog and the way his eyes sparkled when he talked. Benrey liked his strange Tommy-isms and the way he stumbled over his words sometimes and his stims. They liked the curls in his hair and his gaming skill and his love of soda; Benrey liked his best friend.

Benrey liked Dr. Bubby, who he’d met only a few times, but those few times were good. He liked the fire in Bubby’s eyes and Bubby’s drawings; Benrey liked the way Bubby bragged and the way he argued over his doctorate with Dr. Coomer. He liked how sharp Bubby’s teeth were and the soft spikes in Bubby’s hair; Benrey liked this strange pyromaniac of a coworker.

Benrey liked Dr. Coomer, who they’d hung out with quite a lot. They liked Coomer’s singing voice, how Coomer was a theatre kid in high school; They liked the references Dr. Coomer would make to movies and musicals, they liked Dr. Coomer’s jokes and his glitches and his constant smiles and pats on Benrey’s back. They liked when he made jokes in private about the other scientists; Like how Dr. Coomer would joke that Tommy was Annie because his dog looked like Sandy and his optimistic attitude. 

Benrey liked these humans.

In some strange, strange way,

They were his.

They were all interwoven; All existing together like a garden of flowers.

Like a garden of asphodel and marigolds.

“My regrets follow you to the grave”, grief and sorrow.

All of his friends were so, so unbelievably alive; As alive as a group of humans could be. Benrey was completely free to be himself around them, to grow and grow and bloom like an asphodel flower in the garden.

All of his friends were so bright, so full of happiness and so full of life and light. Bubby full of spite and fire, Dr. Coomer full of smiles and light; Gordon full of warmth, Tommy full of sunshine.

They were the opposite of asphodel and marigolds, yet bloomed all the same.

And Benrey?

Benrey was from Xen. 

Benrey usually didn’t care for people much, didn’t pay attention.

But these people, these people had captured their attention and made them dizzy with appreciation for the people they cared about so, so deeply.

In Black Mesa, in this garden of asphodel and marigolds, this perfect ecosystem,

A Xen flower had planted itself directly in the middle.

Once upon a time, there was a being who discovered that they liked their humans.

  
...

**Once upon a time, the being realized he might be forced to kill them.**


	4. as a result of loving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for disappearing for a few weeks! I had to make sure this chapter is the best I could make it.

Once upon a time, the being realized he might be forced to kill the only people he ever cared about.

  
  


It was so darkly funny. All of these bonds Benrey had formed, all of these moments they’d shared. Their garden of asphodel, marigolds, and Xen flowers.

Everything Benrey had ever worked for.

All undone by lines of code.

Benrey was the final boss.

It was a hard, hard truth to think about because Benrey didn’t know what that meant. Would the code make his friends have a falling-out? Would the ones and zeros take over him, forcing him to aim the gun and pull the trigger? Would it be a natural fall-out, the game twisting his friends code to make them hate him?

Would Benrey be aware it was even happening?

Benrey felt as if he was in free-fall, the world spinning around him. They slid down the wall behind them, ending up on the floor; His hands were clasped over his mouth, eyes unfocused as his thoughts raced.

_ Final boss, the code will take over, final boss final boss final boss- _

_ Asphodel and marigolds, soda and asphodel and marigolds- _

_ The code, the code, the binary code, the final boss- _

Benrey leaned against the wall, starting to slowly no clip through.

_ Asphodel and marigolds, asphodel and marigolds- _

_ The final boss, the final boss, the final boss- _

_ Stop stop stop stop, please make it stop- _

Benrey fell backwards through the wall, noclipping into that space inside of the concrete;

What was once his sanctuary was now suffocating and scratchy against his skin as he reached so desperately for a way out, for ANY way out-

And he tore right through the code of his reality.

Benrey fell forward into that familiar black-and-purple pattern world, it covering them completely. The familiar nothing-and-everything taste leaked into their mouth and shocked them back down to reality.

Their breathing stabilized as they floated in the black-and-purple void, slowly bringing them back down from the haze of panic they were in before.

And he had time to rationally think.

What was going to happen to him?

What had happened in other dimensions like his?

What had happened to all those other final bosses?

Benrey reached out their hand, begging the black-and-purple to show them what they needed to see.

They just needed to know what was going to happen.

He watched as windows to different dimensions opened up around him; Each one was focused on a different dimension’s Benrey.

And Benrey saw what was going to happen.

Oh yes, he saw.

He saw himself alone on Xen, bleeding into the red water as his friends celebrated without him.

He saw himself walking alone in a Black Mesa hallway, shivering alone with his friend’s blood on his hands; The battle won but the war lost.

He saw himself dying.

He saw himself scared.

But most importantly, he saw himself alone.

Always alone.

The multiverses kept playing out their events, but Benrey looked away.

As long as he was the final boss, he would end up alone, no matter what ending.

The Xen flower sits alone,

its garden taken away from it.

But when all seemed hopeless,

When all seemed lost,

Benrey refused to give up.

  
  


Even though the idea was ludicrous, the idea was utterly insane,

He’d do it anyway.

He opened up the code of his world, scrolling down to values named “FINAL BOSS” and “XEN”.

Because really,

How hard could changing fate be?

...

And that, right there, is where they sealed the fate of both their world and themself.

Because when Benrey turned away from the multiverses, he did not see his actual ending.

What Benrey did not see was that the final boss does get redeemed eventually.

That the final boss does get welcomed back by their friends.

That the final boss does indeed get forgiven.

That the final boss was only alone for a little while.

Its such a shame; All of what happens next could have been prevented.

But that’s not what you’re here for, is it?

...

Once upon a time, there was an entity who would do anything to not be the final boss.

And once upon a time, there was an entity who messed up.

_**Badly**_.


	5. as a result of forgetting

Once upon a time, there was a being who, in trying to fix things, went too far.

Code flashed by Benrey as they stood in the black-and-purple, searching line by line. Where was it? It had to be here somewhere.

Where was that one line? That line that had ruined everything.

_There._

He spotted it, singling it out in the sea of words words words that meant nothing to them.

_FinalBoss.Value=“Benrey.chr”_

This one stupid, stupid, _stupid_ line of code was going to ruin everything; But it was fixable. It was fixable, it had to be.

Their hand hovered over the line.

Who would he put to replace him?

Could they do that to any of their friends?

Benrey tried to imagine any of his friends being forced into the final boss role, any of them bleeding out alone of Xen.

They tried to imagine Tommy facing off against the rest of the science team, Sunkist shrugging off bullet after bullet as Tommy tried desperately to hold his own-

They tried to imagine Dr. Coomer on Xen, summoning clone after clone as he was slowly pushed back by the science team’s force and the science team’s guns-

They tried to imagine Bubby’s flames growing higher as the science team advanced on him from all sides, each time struggling to get up again-

They tried to imagine Gordon as the final boss-

_Asphodel and marigolds, asphodel and marigolds-_

Benrey shook his head, trying to shake away those thoughts. The line of code blinked back at him, waiting for his edit.

And so Benrey was forced to pick.

Which of his friends was he going to throw under the bus?

Which one, Benrey?

And of his four options, of the four people he cared about most,

He chose none of the above.

_Are you sure you want to delete “FinalBoss.Value=“Benrey.chr””?_

_Y/N_

_Y_

_Deleting “FinalBoss.Value=“Benrey.chr””._

Benrey watched with smug satisfaction as the line disappeared from the sea of code; Never to bother him again. 

He went to close the window before other lines in the code caught his eye.

Why stop with just the final boss?

Benrey reached their hand back in, changing his friend’s hit points to WAY over the maximum. They _refused_ to let their friends die, not now.

And just like that, Benrey couldn’t stop; They just kept on editing code to meet their perfect standards.

Hostile enemy ai? Don’t need that.

Deleted.

The Xen dimension? Never going there.

Deleted.

Code for the Resonance Cascade? That’s stupid.

Deleted.

He just kept on going, deleting and deleting and deleting

Everything that could cause his friends harm

Gone in an instant.

He finally, finally stepped back from the utterly gutted code, happy with his results. There was no conflict here, just a successful test and friends to make.

Everything 

Was going

To be fine.

The security guard stepped back, out of the black-and-purple, and into their world again.

They took a deep breath, finally feeling themself relax.

Everything was okay.

Everything was o-

A loud ding played right in Benrey’s ear, making him jump. He stumbled, whipping around to face where it had come from-

And saw an error message.

‘FATAL ERROR.’

As soon as it arrived it started to multiply, with a cacophony of dinging sounds the words ‘FATAL ERROR’ started to fill up his vision.

Benrey’s blood turned to ice in his veins as he stood, dumb-founded, bathed in the light of the error messages.

_Asphodel and marigolds, asphodel and marigolds-_

He turned and ran, the messages pursuing him like a predator chases its prey. They were hot on his tail, showing up around every corner with a new missing texture to go with it.

Something had gone wrong.

  
**_Very, VERY wrong._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what y'all, I'm not dead!  
> Considering making an Askblog of where the story is going. Just an idea.


	6. i clutched my life and wished it kept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. the character death warning is going to be a thing this chapter.  
> just a warning.
> 
> also full disclosure this got written at 1 AM on pure caffeine and no food so. i hope it makes at least basic coherent sense

Once upon a time, the world came crashing down.

Benrey ran down a corridor, heart beating fast as he skidded around corners. Error messages chased him through the halls ( _ like wolves, can’t escape can’t escape, need to run faster _ ); Each time they advanced, another part of the hallway would be covered in missing texture.

The noise, the noise, the _noise_ was too loud in Benrey’s ears, their breath coming out ragged and panicked. The messages were following ( _following following always following_ ) with their bright light and the message of doom and the noise _,_ the noise, the noise.

It was always there, behind every door and around every corner.

Waiting.

Watching.

Benrey screwed their eyes shut as they ran ( _ run rabbit, run _ ), their thoughts a dizzying spiral of panic.

_ Asphodel and marigolds, resonance cascade, error error error fatal error RUN BENREY RUN FASTER- _

The security guard suddenly came into contact with something solid, their eyes snapping open as they fell backwards. He landed hard on his arm, hissing as pain shot up it. Papers, not belonging to Benrey, were scattered to the wind; Each one fell in a disorganized fashion around the hallway.

Across from him, Bubby picked themself up off the floor.

“Watch where you’re going, asshole!” They said, brushing off their labcoat. Annoyance bled through their voice as they looked at the scattered papers; They didn’t even seem to see the error messages waiting at the end of the hall. “Why the hell were you running like that?”

“Something went  _ wrong _ , man-” Words were pouring out of Benrey’s mouth, unfiltered and overlapping. “I don’t know  _ what _ but something went wrong-”

“Calm down!” Bubby snapped, brow creased in worry. “What happened?”

“I don’t KNOW!” Benrey said, attempting to get up and failing, “I don’t know!”

Bubby put a hand out to help his coworker up.

“Alright, explain to me from the start. First off, Benrey, are you alri-”

_ Error. _

Benrey sat there in shocked silence, feeling as if the blood in his veins was replaced with snow; Haloed in the light of the error messages, he was almost paralyzed to the spot.

Bubby stood there, lifeless as a ragdoll and completely silent, unbreathing; An error message completely covering their face as the sound of the notification still bounced across the tile.

_ Fatal Error. Essential code is missing or deleted. _

  
  


_ Deleting BUBBY.chr. This is not a cancellable action. _

Benrey could vaguely feel themself pushing to their feet, vaguely feel themself stumbling backwards and slamming into a wall. But it was as if he was watching it through a screen somewhere far, far, far away.

It was almost as if there was a dam in his chest, blocking back the anger and fear and sadness and  _ panic _ ; It left only empty, numb shock in its wake.

“Ah, Benery? Are you alright?” came Dr. Coomer’s voice from around the corner. Benrey didn’t even have the opportunity to turn his head before that sound, the sound, the horrible  _ sound _ ; The sound of an error message popping up that made Benrey flinch.

_ Fatal Error. BUBBY.chr and other essential code is missing or deleted. _

  
  


_ Deleting DRCOOMER.chr. This is not a cancellable action. _

More and more and more error messages popped up around Benrey, springing up through the concrete like flowers.

And he 

Just

Walked.

Completely numb, he walked through Black Mesa as missing texture replaced support beams and walls came crumbling down. The black-and-purple, black-and-purple wrapped around his back and shoes like a demented embrace; The noise of the error messages rang in his ears like individual gunshots.

And Benrey just kept walking.

_ Asphodel and marigolds, asphodel and marigolds. _

Each hallway was almost like its own tightrope. Benrey could feel emotions roar under the surface of the pure  _ numbness  _ that covered everything like a rough blanket; Benrey could feel it scratching at him. He had to walk this tightrope. He had to, or else he’d fall into one of the emotions warring for dominance in his chest and completely break like the concrete behind him.

Benrey turned a corner, passing by Darnold. He closed his eyes, trying to keep his composure as the scientist gave a smile.

“Howdy Benrey! What’s wrong? You look upse-”

Somehow, the noise of the error message still startled Benrey.

_ Fatal Error. Essential code is missing or deleted. _

_ Deleting DARNOLD.chr. This is not a cancellable action. _

The security guard stumbled ever-forward.

Tommy’s voice came next, from off down the hallway, getting closer.

“Hey, Darnold! Can you c-Can you come back? I forgot to tell you something. Oh! Hi Benre-”

_ Fatal Error. BUBBY.chr, DRCOOMER.chr, and essential code are missing or deleted. _

_ Deleting TOMMY.chr. This is not a cancellable action. _

Somehow that broke through.

Benrey paused, trembling and supporting themself against a wall. He looked at Tommy, what used to be Tommy, the physical form of their childhood friend.

Tommy, joining the rest of the world at one percent in the process of deletion, as the walls came crumbling down around them both.

Benrey broke out into a run, and the black-and-purple pursued.

  
  


They eventually skidded their way into Black Mesa’s lobby, slamming directly into Gordon Freeman. Black Mesa’s lobby, whose tile was crackling and splintering to reveal more black-and-purple, more black-and-purple, endless black-and-purple, inescapable black-and-purple that made Benrey’s head spin-

“-REY! Benrey, what’s going on?” Gordon was shouting, hands on Benrey’s shoulders, black-and-purple slowly crawling up his shoes.

Benrey couldn’t even speak, just sat and watched the world crumble around them. 

Without warning, a white door opened from the air; Out stepping a tall man in a suit. One Benrey thought looked familiar but couldn’t exactly place his finger on it.

But more pressing matters were at hand.

The man looked, seemingly startled, at the black-and-purple. 

“You, the, sec-urity guard. What have you done? Did you,  _ cause _ , this?”

“Hey, quick question,” Gordon piped up, “What the hell is going on?”

Benrey turned to Gordon, putting their hands on his arms. 

“Bro, I- I don’t know, I messed up, everyone’s gone-”

_ Asphodel and marigolds, asphodel and marigolds- _

The man in the suit, almost to quiet to hear, whispered a question.

“Is that...Tommy?” He sounded shell-shocked, in utter shock; Almost as Benrey felt. “What did you d-”

_ Fatal Error. TOMMY.chr and essential code are missing or deleted. _

_ Deleting GMAN.chr. This is not a cancellable action. _

There was an almost scary silence that fell between the last two survivors as they stared at the chaos around them;

As they stared at the quickly approaching black-and-purple and the cracking tile and crumbling walls.

They only started to move when the ceiling creaked and thin cracks spread.

Gordon pointed at the white doorway the G-Man had came out of.

“Hey! Whatever that thing is, it might get us out of here!”

Benrey didn’t even speak, the shock numbed everything.

_ This plan isn't going to work, we're going to die, asphodel and marigolds, asphodel and marigolds, everyone is gone, this can’t be happening this can’t be happening- _

Without thinking, Benrey and Gordon sprinted full-force towards the door. It was their last hope, their candle flame in the quickly-approaching dark.

As the ceiling creaked and started to crash down to the ground under the missing textured strain, Benrey began to fall behind.

Gordon grabbed their hand, pulling the security guard forward-

“GO!”

-And pushed them through the doorway.

Benrey twisted at the last possible moment, turning to see Gordon's face and try to bring him through the doorway as well-

Only to see an error message over Gordon’s face too.

Benrey was falling, falling, falling through the white of the doorway

Thoughts running sluggishly in his brain ( _Slower than molasses drips off a spoon_ )

Slowly tinging with grief; ( _I miss them I miss them already they're gone they're gone they're gone-_ )

But one thought stood out particularly.

Always in the back of his mind were those flowers;  _ Asphodel and marigolds, asphodel and marigolds. _

But right now,

The only flower on his mind was purple hyacinth.

_ It means please, _

_ Please g/d please forgive me. _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!! Comments really make my day, both huge rants and tiny short comments!!


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